Coming Of A Sibling

Toddlers can feel conflicted about the arrival of a new sibling. They may be eager to shower affection on the baby in the beginning, however, later on, they may experience feelings of insecurity and jealousy. These can manifest in different ways. You may find that they are clinging to you often, whining more, or acting out. Often, toddlers may regress and want to do the things their new sibling is doing – for instance, they may want to be fed when you are breastfeeding the baby. These are all part of the experience of having a sibling at this age. It takes time to get used to the entry of a new (and needy) member who, they suddenly find, is getting a lot of attention from mommy.  

What You Can Do 

You can help ease the process of welcoming a sibling in several ways. 

Get them early: Help your toddler get involved in the process early on - before your baby is born. Show them their own baby photos, and narrate funny stories from that time. Know any friends who have newborns in the family? Visit them with your toddler – let them get used to babies. Make a game out of deciding on a list of baby names together. Take your toddler with you on some of your doctor visits. Let them hear the baby's heartbeat.

Plan ahead: Your toddler’s life will change once the baby arrives. To help your child adjust, design their days in a way that would be similar to what it would be like when the baby comes. For instance, you may have a bedtime routine with your toddler which may get affected (the routine may get shortened, or you may not be able to read to them often in the early days). Try getting your toddler used to the change beforehand. 

Be empathetic: Once the baby arrives, your toddler will go through a range of emotions, grappling with something quite new. It's important that you empathise with what they are feeling. You can help put their feelings into words. Tell them you understand that they may not like that mommy has to be shared now, and that they miss having you all to themselves. Ask if they want a hug or a story.

Schedule regular time together. Make sure that you spend time with just your toddler every day. Give them your undivided attention. Discuss the day, indulge in some low-energy play like drawing together. This helps remind them that you are their mommy too. 

Read books that show new roles of older siblings: This is something you could do before the baby is born. Pick books that show the coming of new siblings, and the older child enjoying the new family entrant. This will help your toddler adjust.

Involve your toddler: Get your toddler to help out in some easy babycare tasks. For instance, when you give your baby a bath, let your toddler soap the legs. When you are changing the baby, you could ask them to fetch diapers or clothes. Let your toddler hold his new sibling – with a lot of care and help from you. Ask your toddler for advice – about the clothes the newborn could wear, or what story to read out. They could help entertain the baby - by making faces or singing.

Handle regression with calm and patience: Your toddler may revert to being more like a baby, as they experience feelings of insecurity and stress. It is important to be patient with them and not lose your temper. 

Let them be: Sometimes toddlers tend to ignore the new arrival, and are just not interested in being involved. If that happens, let them be. This may be their way of coping. They will start showing interest in time.

Ask for help: Ask your partner to schedule special activities with your toddler every week. Reach out to relatives and friends, asking them to help with your newborn once in a while so you can spend some alone time with your toddler. Keep your toddler busy with fun playdates.